My headaches are getting more frequent lately and I can only blame it to the amount of stress I am under right now. I can’t stop worrying about work, about school, about life and what’s going to happen next. No amount of prescription medication from my Neurologist would stop it. I don’t drink coffee, eat cheese, hotdog, junk food, pasta, pizza, tocino and a lot of other things anymore. I lead a very sad life.
I was talking to my classmate the other night and was asking her advice on how to separate work from life. She said to take a break and look at the bigger picture. I did not understand what she meant by it at first, but by the time I got home and was in bed, I knew.
Why am I working in this company? To earn money so I can support my living. I can probably look for a form of living somewhere else. Problem is, I get so caught up in the things that are within arms reach like friends and salary that I forgot to look at it from the outside. (action item: think about this more deeply and make moves.)
Why am I studying? To gain knowledge that will hopefully open windows of opportunities. Stick to this one.
Lovelife? None. No stress.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
THOUGHTS
Last night, as I was walking to my house, thoughts troubled me. I wasn’t able to answer much in my last Engineering Science exam. Our last topic wasn’t discussed that thoroughly, and the time I was studying it, there was trouble in my laboratory class that I had to attend to. I was thinking that I had to get a high score in the next exam. And that the following exam should not be in conflict with my long scheduled trip. What alibi to tell my professor? A friend is getting married? That I would be on a business trip? What would persuade him to give me an early exam? Then there was work. The new project hasn’t officially kicked-off yet and my Project Manager hasn’t emailed me anything about the project. I’m supposed to be the team lead and I know nothing. The documents we ought to review haven’t been started, and the team members haven’t been finalized. Can I live to see another year with this PM? We have so many differences. I still remember the fights we had during the last project. I already brought it up to our boss, but apparently it fell on deaf ears. I am forced to take this project. What else can I do really? Should I look for a new job? Can I handle that kind of change now? I like the people I work with. But I guess it’s not really about the people, I should think more than that. Then I saw him. I wasn’t sure at first, but as he approaches I knew it was him. I could not believe it. My ex! The first one to break my heart. The one I was willing to give my everything. The one who made me cry so many nights. There he was, wearing a cap in the dark of night. And then I hid. Well, not exactly, I looked at a different direction so that he could not see me, as if I became suddenly interested in the house to my left. We live in the same neighborhood! Who would have thought that the world would be this small.
Thursday, June 26, 2008
LOST TOUCH, part 1
Friday, two weeks ago, I met a crush for a movie and a dinner. He was a crush since a friend of mine introduced us four years back, but we lost touched since he was "conservative" then. I might have scared him off with my liberated ideas of love and relationships. He stopped texting but I see him once in a while since we lived in the same neighborhood.
First week of June, I saw him at Friendster. He sent me a smile and we exchanged several messaged until I asked for his number. We texted since. As all things in this world, he has changed. The conservative guy I knew--the one who is appalled by the idea of man to man relationship, have had two exes. The smoked without control and works in a call center.
Me, being bold in text, pushed my luck to test his limits. I made remarks like "if we were together, i would tell you to stop smoking." He said that made him speechless. We talked everyday. I thought he was beginning to like me.
I asked him to see Kungfu Panda with me. He was hesistant at first, but gave in to go to Makati, after much persuasion and negotiation. Then I saw him, sitting in Gloria Jeans Coffee, smoking. He was as cute as I remembered. He was wearing a plain blue shirt and carrying a bag, he was such a pretty boy. I was nervous. I could not think of anything to say at first, and apparently as well as he. I saw that his hands were shaking.
We had dinner, talked about work, then headed for the movie.
The movie was a blast. I rolled laughing, and so did he. I didn't make any move in the movie house, it didn't feel right. Besides, I wanted things to be different this time. I could have easily held his hand, or grabbed his knee, but I opted not to.
After the movie, we went to the park for him to smoke and talk some more. We talked about everything that came to mind. His family. His work. His father's plans of sending him to London to study, amid his protests. His smoking habits. Our mutual friend. I asked that we go to the church so we could see the ducks, and we stayed there a bit watching them swim.
We walked me to the office. Well, it was hard to get a cab in Greenbelt and I suggested that he get a cab in Ayala. He agreed. It was a 15-minute walk, and he was perspiring like a maniac.
Just tell me when you're tired and I can hail you a cab anywhere.
No, I'm fine. I just sweat a lot.
I touched his arms, and smiled.
He took a cab near my office, and waved. I just waved back. I received a text message 10 minutes after saying that he enjoyed it.
First week of June, I saw him at Friendster. He sent me a smile and we exchanged several messaged until I asked for his number. We texted since. As all things in this world, he has changed. The conservative guy I knew--the one who is appalled by the idea of man to man relationship, have had two exes. The smoked without control and works in a call center.
Me, being bold in text, pushed my luck to test his limits. I made remarks like "if we were together, i would tell you to stop smoking." He said that made him speechless. We talked everyday. I thought he was beginning to like me.
I asked him to see Kungfu Panda with me. He was hesistant at first, but gave in to go to Makati, after much persuasion and negotiation. Then I saw him, sitting in Gloria Jeans Coffee, smoking. He was as cute as I remembered. He was wearing a plain blue shirt and carrying a bag, he was such a pretty boy. I was nervous. I could not think of anything to say at first, and apparently as well as he. I saw that his hands were shaking.
We had dinner, talked about work, then headed for the movie.
The movie was a blast. I rolled laughing, and so did he. I didn't make any move in the movie house, it didn't feel right. Besides, I wanted things to be different this time. I could have easily held his hand, or grabbed his knee, but I opted not to.
After the movie, we went to the park for him to smoke and talk some more. We talked about everything that came to mind. His family. His work. His father's plans of sending him to London to study, amid his protests. His smoking habits. Our mutual friend. I asked that we go to the church so we could see the ducks, and we stayed there a bit watching them swim.
We walked me to the office. Well, it was hard to get a cab in Greenbelt and I suggested that he get a cab in Ayala. He agreed. It was a 15-minute walk, and he was perspiring like a maniac.
Just tell me when you're tired and I can hail you a cab anywhere.
No, I'm fine. I just sweat a lot.
I touched his arms, and smiled.
He took a cab near my office, and waved. I just waved back. I received a text message 10 minutes after saying that he enjoyed it.
Friday, June 13, 2008
JEEPNEY RIDE
Last night, the wuss in me once again proved itself.
I was on my way home from school, carrying a newly bought board shorts and a cookie for a teammate, when I took a jeepney at Guadalupe station to the apartment. I sat in-front, and felt the sweaty arm of the guy next to me. I initially felt engrossed by this, but I saw him on the side mirror and couldn't help myself from smiling. He was cute and wearing glasses, and he was looking at me, as if saying sorry. He was also wiping his arms with a handkerchief.
The entire trip he was giving me the eye, and I was giving him the eye. I could not be mistaken, it was more than once. Plus, he was brushing his elbow against mine. All throughout the trip I was thinking I should make some conversation, I should ask him something.
On the brink of asking something, the wuss in me got in the way, and I just smiled to the point of laughter. In the end, I got to my street without saying a word. I was hoping and he would go down and we would talk, but that was wishful thinking.
I guess I'm not really that kind of guy, the one who asks for people's number randomly (read, the one who has some balls). It i were, I would be getting laid more often.
I was on my way home from school, carrying a newly bought board shorts and a cookie for a teammate, when I took a jeepney at Guadalupe station to the apartment. I sat in-front, and felt the sweaty arm of the guy next to me. I initially felt engrossed by this, but I saw him on the side mirror and couldn't help myself from smiling. He was cute and wearing glasses, and he was looking at me, as if saying sorry. He was also wiping his arms with a handkerchief.
The entire trip he was giving me the eye, and I was giving him the eye. I could not be mistaken, it was more than once. Plus, he was brushing his elbow against mine. All throughout the trip I was thinking I should make some conversation, I should ask him something.
On the brink of asking something, the wuss in me got in the way, and I just smiled to the point of laughter. In the end, I got to my street without saying a word. I was hoping and he would go down and we would talk, but that was wishful thinking.
I guess I'm not really that kind of guy, the one who asks for people's number randomly (read, the one who has some balls). It i were, I would be getting laid more often.
Friday, June 06, 2008
WHEN CLASSES BEGIN
Tuesday next week, my classes will officially kick-off. I must be mad to take my Masters degree now, knowing that we have an upcoming project and that I will be busy for the next couple of years maybe. But I have been planning to return to the university long ago, and I felt that, if not now, when?
The biggest surprise was the weight of age during enrollment. Not 3 years ago, I can navigate the Diliman campus with ease, but the comfort of sitting in an air-conditioned office 9 hours a day for the past 3 years have lessened my vigor and left me panting within 2 hours of enrollment. Outside the Environmental Engineering Department office, I stopped, panting, feeling old.
The only good news was that I was able to enroll within the same day, which was a world record. Before, it took a week to get everything done. I left at around 11am because I still had to report to work. I felt nervous and excited, must be a good sign.
The biggest surprise was the weight of age during enrollment. Not 3 years ago, I can navigate the Diliman campus with ease, but the comfort of sitting in an air-conditioned office 9 hours a day for the past 3 years have lessened my vigor and left me panting within 2 hours of enrollment. Outside the Environmental Engineering Department office, I stopped, panting, feeling old.
The only good news was that I was able to enroll within the same day, which was a world record. Before, it took a week to get everything done. I left at around 11am because I still had to report to work. I felt nervous and excited, must be a good sign.
BACK
I'm back. I'm not sure if anyone missed me, but I'm back. I've been away on business, literally. My work swamped me with too much words that I did not feel the desire to write, but yesterday, I was reading something and it came back.
I'm not sure if I still have it in me (or if I had it in the first place), but there is something about blogging that feels like home.
I will also be going back to school. More about that later.
I'm not sure if I still have it in me (or if I had it in the first place), but there is something about blogging that feels like home.
I will also be going back to school. More about that later.
Saturday, November 03, 2007
NEW PLACE
As promised, here are some pictures of my new place.
This is the house.
This is the room. The left white door is the bathroom.
This is one area of the room.
This is the house.
This is the room. The left white door is the bathroom.
This is one area of the room.
Monday, October 22, 2007
MAKATI BOYS
I'm a fully pledged Makati boy now. I moved to an apartment along P. Burgos last week. It was a relief. I hardly get migraine anymore, and I'm getting less pimples. It's a shame I only made this decision now, six months late. The stress of everyday travel left me harassed looking, no amount of moisturizer or astringent could redeem.
I only looked at one place and made an instant decision that I would take it the moment I saw it, although I didn't show it to the landlord, not wanting to look too eager. The place was dark and dingy, with royal blue curtains serving as partitions in between beds. It was four in the afternoon when I visited, yet it looked like early night. When I recounted the place to my friends, they pointed out the house might be home to some spirits. I didn't have this impression when I saw the place, and it made me think scary thoughts.
I have three gay roommates. My first night, one room mate had his "boyfriend" in the room. My roommate is a professor in some college in Manila, his boyfriend is a cute, athletic guy, probably in his teens. I do not know for a fact that they are together, but teenager was in his bed half naked, I could assume that much. I pretended not to see.
My second night, my three roommates ordered boys. It was a massage actually, and they were just having fun with the receptionist. We have two guys available here. Who among them is cute? Justin. Yummy? Very. Who among them is buff? Jigs. How much? PhP 350, but 300 for our regular customers. We are regular customers. Are they young? Justin is 17, Jigs is 19. They were on speaker phone, I pretended not to hear.
PS: I will post picture of the place when next time.
I only looked at one place and made an instant decision that I would take it the moment I saw it, although I didn't show it to the landlord, not wanting to look too eager. The place was dark and dingy, with royal blue curtains serving as partitions in between beds. It was four in the afternoon when I visited, yet it looked like early night. When I recounted the place to my friends, they pointed out the house might be home to some spirits. I didn't have this impression when I saw the place, and it made me think scary thoughts.
I have three gay roommates. My first night, one room mate had his "boyfriend" in the room. My roommate is a professor in some college in Manila, his boyfriend is a cute, athletic guy, probably in his teens. I do not know for a fact that they are together, but teenager was in his bed half naked, I could assume that much. I pretended not to see.
My second night, my three roommates ordered boys. It was a massage actually, and they were just having fun with the receptionist. We have two guys available here. Who among them is cute? Justin. Yummy? Very. Who among them is buff? Jigs. How much? PhP 350, but 300 for our regular customers. We are regular customers. Are they young? Justin is 17, Jigs is 19. They were on speaker phone, I pretended not to hear.
PS: I will post picture of the place when next time.
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